I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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