last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
