The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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