Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
