Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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