you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
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I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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