; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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