he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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