he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
