My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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