Are we in a gay sports bar?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
