looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
