i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
