my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
