You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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