you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
