Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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