I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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