k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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