omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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