3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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