My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
