Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
