Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
