We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
