She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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