I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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