Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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