ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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