Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
