Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
