sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just had sex bonerless
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
