i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
