Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
