i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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