I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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