I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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