I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
