Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
