Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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