I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
