Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
