dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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