and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
