I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
