you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I want her autograph on my taint
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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