Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
