quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
