just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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