I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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