What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
