It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
tell me about the eggs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
