Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
