she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
