Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
that is very illegal...i love you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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