I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
