I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
