I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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