His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
