im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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