Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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